PREPARE FOR A NEW PUPPY
Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several
places and walk around barefoot in the dark.
Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.
Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying "Be a
good puppy, go potty now - hurry up - come on, let's go!"
Cover all your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must use white hair, and
light suits must use dark hair. Also float some hair in your first cup of
coffee in the morning.
Play 'catch' with a wet tennis ball.
Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor.
Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the dog
will drag it anyway. (Especially when you have company).
Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite program and
run to the door shouting "No, no! Do that OUTSIDE!". Miss the end of
Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and don't try to clean
it up until you return from work that evening.
Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver -
it's going to get chewed on anyway.
Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it
around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls
asleep on your lap.